So I've been meaning to put together a post like this for quite some time now. I have a bone to pick with every parent and medical professional in the world, I suppose. I know that's a large pool of people to pick on, but really, I feel it is warranted.
As new parents, we've been going through the crash course on babies and parenting. Good thing, because we had (and still have, and will continue to have) so much to learn. No amount of reading up beforehand, asking questions of friends and doctors/nurses, and research of any other kind can prepare you for parenting. And even when you ask those whom you consider to be the "knowledgeable" people, they just tell you things like "the first couple of weeks are the hardest" and "keep it up, things will get better." Well, the sentiment is well placed, but I wish people would just be honest. I wish someone would have told me that the first few weeks might seem like sheer hell, but that it would eventually get better. I wish someone would have told me that breastfeeding might actually seem like medieval torture, but that it should eventually get easier and more tolerable. And I wish that someone would have told me that it is OK to freak out a bit after you take your wonderful new child home. That it is OK to feel like the world may be coming to an end, but that with time (and possibly medication...) things would begin to look up.
The funny thing is, once you begin your incredible journey ("come along and ride on a fantastic voyage"...thanks Coolio) people start speaking up. At least some people - some are still oblivious to the need for honesty in this situation. But thanks to the honest people, there does come a time when you (I) realize that you (I) aren't all that strange after all. I now know that breastfeeding is akin to medieval torture for many people, but that it should get better in the next few weeks. And I know that there are 26 (or is it 27?) hormones that go into overdrive when you become pregnant, and the minute you deliver your baby, they all either disappear completely or drastically fluctuate (thank you Ellen), thereby making you (me) a hormonal train wreck for at least a couple of weeks.
I also now know that newborns have as much to learn, and probably a lot more, than I do. I try to remind myself that Violet has never had a schedule, so even though I have to get used to her schedule - which is hard for me, she has to get used to any schedule - which must be hard for her. And she's got to learn how to express herself, how to calm herself, how to eat and breathe, and so on. So I just have to remind myself to go with the flow, to not give up yet, and to breathe deeply as often as possible. And if I'm calm and collected, I then realize how lucky we are to have a generally happy and healthy baby that is so beautiful and perfect. So even though I harbor some bitterness about the parenting learning curve, I suppose we're doing really well and are still on the right track.
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6 comments:
There is a reason that no one mentions all this or even if they have why the new parents wouldn't remember...it's called sleep deprivation! If you can recall when the last night of good sleep was, I say LIAR!
Honestly, I don't remember much from those first couple weeks and you won't either given a few months.
Two things to remember:
First - if Violet has a full belly, a clean diaper and two parents love her...then you're on the right track!
Second - What ever you choices you make will be the right choices (no matter what any one else might say or thing)!
Those are very nice things to say...thank you! It is good to try to remember that no matter what, the full belly, clean diaper, and loving parents are the most important things.
I do hope that by the time you guys arrive for Thanksgiving, I will be in a better state of mind - and sleep!
Yes, I second what Elizabeth said!! No matter what decisions you make, they are YOUR decisions and they are right for YOUR family. (not anyone elses) We put enough guilt on ourselves as mothers no matter what we do, so we definitely don't need anyone else making us feel guilty for making, what they feel, are the "wrong" decisions.
And for what it's worth... I'll tell it to you straight. I tried breast feeding for 2 1/2 months and it NEVER got easier. I know for many women it does, but not here!! :)
You're doing a great job as parents!!
Thanks, Cheryl. I'm sorry to hear that breastfeeding never got easier for you, though. If this continues for another few weeks, I will certainly be ready to reconsider my choice! With the pain I'm in tonight, I'd never make it 2.5 months!
We can't remember. I think I took drugs to forget. Or maybe I'm on drugs now...
Hey Joanna, I just stumbled on your blog via facebook - cool. So the whole breastfeeding thing... it took 4 months for me to finally feel comfortable with it. It was sheer hell and caused lots of tears and angst and just... bleh... but suddenly it became as easy and as natural as anything. Now he is 14 months and weaning is looking as hard as breastfeeding was to begin with. Hope it gets better - or that you come to peace with forumla!
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